Yesterday I had an encounter with a guy that felt like a direct spiritual battle with satan. The guy was curious about who we were and because he only spoke Chinese, I was asked to speak to him. The progression of the conversation escalated very quickly and I felt like I had to defend everything that I believed in. For every truth I spoke about God, he had a rebuttal for he knew a lot about other religions including Christianity and he used that to argue against everything I told him about God and his love. Originally, I didn't want to talk to him for very long but I felt the spirit telling me to stay and continue to talk to him so I did. Throughout the duration of the conversation, I felt darkness and my spirit gradually weakening. But I knew I wasn't alone. When I felt like I needed physical protection saw my teammates who were by me and praying for me. I knew the spirit was with me because there was no way I could've said everything I did with the limited mandarin that I knew. The conversation eventually got to the point where I had no more to say so I asked to pray for him but right when I asked him, he sprinted away. I was left feeling vulnerable, naked, and defeated. I felt like my faith was shaken to the core and my heart broken. I burst into uncontrollable tears and cried sorrowfully in fear. In that moment, my team and a few Christian students who were standing nearby gathered around me. Together they prayed for me and God's power surrounded all of us and the darkness went away. I am still in a daze and have many unanswered questions but I trust that God had a reason and that he was in control and protecting me.
In addition, for those who do not know, I found out that my green card is expired the day we were gonna leave for Thailand (I really thought that I wouldn't be able to come). But I found out that if I applied for renewal online, the renewal receipt and my expired green card will be okay for me to return to the country. However when I got to Thailand my mom told me that she called the consulate office to double check and they said that I need to go to a US consulate office in Thailand to get a returning visa. That was very disheartening because it meant a lot of trouble for everyone especially because the closest consulate office was 4 hours away (Chiang Mai) from where we are (Chiang Rai). Either way John helped me book an appointment for the consulate office and I was suppose to ride the bus to Chiang Mai this past Tuesday. But on Saturday, my mom emailed me and told me that using the receipt will be okay. Thinking that it was God's answers to my prayers, I was very happy because I don't need to worry about that anymore. I doubled checked with my mom to make sure it was certain before I cancelled the appointment. But today, I was told again that I do need the returning visa...according to a consulate officer back home and he is positive (they were all positive but all gave my mom a different answer...). After reading the email, I just felt so defeated and overwhelmed again. Tomorrow is a Thai holiday which means that the consulate will not be open and they are closed on the weekends and we are leaving Sunday...I don't know what to do and I don't know what to feel...
But through all of this I am reminded of Paul as he said he had been "very thoroughly initiated into the human lot with it's ups and downs" (Philippians 4:12). He was hard-pressed, persecuted, and struck down. But God in his mercies did not chose to remove the dilemmas Paul was facing. God chose instead to make himself known to Paul because of them, in ways which would strengthen his faith. Paul begged God to remove his dilemma but it was not in Paul's way or Paul's time. It was in God's way and God's time.
I don't know why I was chosen to talk to that guy and it currently seems impossible to resolve my green card situation. I just wanted to give up. But God promises that none of us will ever be tempted beyond our power to endure. God promises his unfailing presence. Spritual warfare is so real here and satan's hold on this country is so strong but our God is stronger. Even in our mistakes and weakness, he is sovereign. So while I do not know what is going to happen, I will not let satan destroy my spirit and faith. I will continue to be steadfast and pray and believe that God has everything in control.
But please pray for me, for my situation, and also for my teammates. May we finish strong and continue to fight against satan who is trying to discourage and break us apart. May we make the most of our few remaining days especially with all the different programs and activities we have planned.
Thank you for all your prayers!
In love,
Esther
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